Presuppositional Patterns: A Biblical Study of the Unmarried Woman’s Role - Part Three

Read: [Intro] [Part One] [Part Two]

What’s an unmarried woman to do? With this question at the forefront of my mind, my search for an answer began in the pages of Scripture. What does God have to say about unmarriage? (Can that please be a word? If you will so humor me, for the sake of this series “unmarriage” will be defined as the state prior to entering a marriage covenant but beyond the time when a young woman is considered a child.) You know what I found? Almost every passage addressed to women is addressing married women. Profound, I know. Seriously, though, I think this is quite significant. This reaffirms an important truth: marriage is normative. It is God’s design for women to marry. God specifically created woman (Eve) to be married to man (Adam). This was God’s design from the beginning. Teachings and examples throughout Scripture reinforce this truth.

This understanding leads some to advocate that every unmarried woman should devote her time and energy to preparing to be a married woman. They apply the principles of being a Godly wife also to the time that an unmarried woman still lives in her father’s house. Believing the end goal to be marriage, this time of unmarriage is spent primarily, or even exclusively, developing those areas deemed necessary for her future role as a wife, mother and homemaker.

This is akin to the young woman who spent years consumed by her preparations for a trip she assumed she would take, but didn’t know when or to what locale. How can an unmarried woman possibly know how to prepare for marriage to a man yet unknown at a time yet undetermined? For, while it is normative that a woman will marry, it is not certain. And there is a great deal of uncertainty regarding the particular details of each marriage. Perhaps her husband will desire or prefer that she run the household a certain way. Will she be so set in her own ways that she will find such adaptability difficult? Perhaps her husband will have certain dietary restrictions. Will her training in the kitchen have been for naught? Perhaps her husband will have a physical disability. Will her expectations be crushed? Perhaps the long-awaited husband will die unexpectedly after only a short time of marriage. What will the young widow do then? (I am in no way advocating that young women should not serve their families in the running of the household or in assisting with meal preparation, etc., I am merely questioning the teaching that this should be done to the exclusion of all else in an effort to prepare for a future marriage.)

Is it possible, then, for an unmarried woman to be adequately prepared for marriage? Indeed! Not only is it possible, it is essential. But I would submit to you that the best preparation is not necessarily that which requires the unmarried woman to assume the responsibilities set forth for a married woman.

Astute observers will quickly agree that our society advocates a completely different approach to the question, “What’s an unmarried woman to do?” With disregard for God’s unique design of the sexes, young women are encouraged to pursue the same course as their male counterparts. (Which course, even when pursued by young men, is itself debatable in light of what Scripture teaches.) Namely, complete twelve years of primary education, attend college and complete at least one degree, enter the workforce and climb the corporate ladder, earn enough money so you can live comfortably and spend your latter days basking in the return from your gilded retirement nest egg. Somewhere along the way she may meet the man of her dreams and fall in love, at which point she may choose to get married. Following the honeymoon, life will carry on “as it were,” each pursuing their own ambitions and with household duties now equally divided between both parties. Should children be deemed desirable at some point, the socially preferred one boy and one girl will be attempted for and, barring complications, will be added to the family picture for the duration of their first 18 years of life, excepting, of course, the 25,000+ hours they will spend in daycares and educational institutions outside the home. Meanwhile, the career-driven woman will spend her days running the proverbial “rat race,” a continuation of all the goals and dreams she set out to reach as a young unmarried woman.

This is analogous to the weary woman who ran herself ragged in the busy activity of life, never giving thought to the future responsibilities of marriage, let alone preparing for such. Without any consideration for the teaching of Scripture, she merely set out to follow the course commonly practiced and encouraged by our present society. Independence is supreme. Though the woman gets married, it is little more than a social nicety. She continues to pursue her own goals and interests while her husband pursues his. Indeed, her total lack of thought and preparation prepared her perfectly for everything a marriage should not be.